Pizza Civil War

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vueKk5tnZWM

Oh Fuck! That’s a point for Philly!

It’s astounding that the Californian could muster the audacity to go on after the Philadelphian and come out strong for a goddamn veggie pizza. Veggie Pizza?!

“Pacific veggie is primo, dude.” That’s his fucking rebuttal!

But in seriousness. If you study this commercial, you’ll notice that the characters in either setting are arranged similarly. So check out the Latina babe to Philly man’s right (screen left). Positioned in the same spot at the California set is another Latina babe, only this one is way hotter. First, her bikini has been cut properly so as to expose more of her jugs. In addition, her hips aren’t blocked from view by the douchebag with the pizza as is the case with Philly man. And last, the fact that she’s eating veggie pizza as opposed to Philly cheese steak pizza leads me to believe that she is a healthier, better lover.

But that’s really all that California has going for it. If you take either babe, and move down the line to their right, skipping over the asshole delivery drivers, you’ll encounter either location's cultural representative. In Philly, this is a monstrous black dude in boxing apparel, mean-mugging the shit out of the camera, ready to kick someone’s ass if they disagree with his nasty taste in pizza. In Cali, you have a spinning-in-circles jackass with a guitar who’s dressed, naturally, like a Middle Eastern bad guy from an Indiana Jones movie. If you look close you can tell he’s on acid.

Philly’s closing argument: “You ain’t got nuthin!”

And the Californians, despite boasting that one slut with the shades and the big honkers, offers no rebuttal because they’re all too stoned.

Conclusion: Philly wins this round. But do they really win in the big picture? Because that looks like about the worst, most diarrhea-causing pizza imaginable. I honestly probably would prefer the veggies.

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